What to make of 50 Shades of Grey? On one hand, we struggling authors look with the deepest green hue at the stratospheric sales, the publicity, the movie deal. On the other, we cleave to the general view that the writing’s a steaming pile of dinosaur crap.
We already know that the lookalikes and out-doers are in the pipeline but what’s a middle-aged male writer with virtually no hair (of whatever colour) to do?
So here are some new genre-busting suggestions.
Geriatric erotica: It doesn’t last long and you may have to break off for a pee.
Nostalgic porn: These are all the things I fantasised about doing before I put my back out.
Sexual Dementia: I know this used to go somewhere – but I’m fucked if I can remember where.
Isabel Allende said that the difference between erotica and pornography is that with erotica one uses a feather, with pornography the whole chicken.
You know you’re past it when that sounds tasty.